I do mind you acting blunt and like you can’t be arsed talking to me.
I don’t really remember much after it, just drifting in and out of consciousness. And apparently having 4 cannulars with about 8 drips connected and using over 20 bowls for sick.
I’m going out to draw and photography, because I want to find the beauty in it all. He said it’s the worst place for peace because it’s so busy and loud. I tried explaining that it’s peaceful in a croud, in the business of life. but also that I find comfort in travelling, sitting, staring, thinking, miles away from everywhere, and there is simply the best and easiest place to do that.
I don’t need to remember what I was thinking of right now a year ago. Or what I was about to do in the next hour and a half.
Which then becomes the vicious cycle of not eating the next day, and so on. Which then means I’ll end up back in hospital. So I have to force feed myself, even if it’s little.
It’s so refreshing to have an actual conversation. No interruptions from emoticons or internet glitches, just real conversation with real ideas and nothing hidden. Nothing hidden. No hiding behind a screen and key board. It was so nice to just sit and talk about life.
~*this*~
and this is one of the main things I miss in having a long distance relationship.
(via wordsforklightning)
A year ago now I was finding the best way to go. Researching for hours online.
I can feel the taste of the pills in my throat, the water, the pain, the unconsciousness, the collapsing on my parents floor throwing up.
And it wouldn’t have been my last attempt if it wasn’t for my boyfriend and his family considering how many times I’ve been so close.
I’m glad how far I’ve come, it’s just raw.
